For many people the holiday season means festivities, meeting with loved ones, and enjoying family meals. However, for so many others the feeling is not the same. Many of my clients are dreading the family meals and not just because they have to deal with food, which on its own is a huge struggle. For many of them, those family meals might mean that they will have to deal again with that relative that always comments on their body or how much they have eaten. For others, it means that they will receive comments about their relationships, their career, the way they behave or the choices that they make, leaving them with a lower self esteem. Lastly, there is a big portion of them that will have to deal with the intense family dynamics. If you know that 7 out of 10 times someone will start a fight, it’s hard to look forward to those gatherings.
But today we are here to see how you can deal with those situations. So let’s see those 3 categories.
Comments about food and weight:
If you are afraid of dealing with comments about your weight or the amount of food you are eating here are some polite ways for you to respond.
‘Thank you for your concern, however I would prefer if we could talk about something else that we will both enjoy today.’
‘I know you mean well, but currently these comments don’t really help the work that I am doing with myself’
‘This comment makes me feel (sad) and I know that you care for me, so I would appreciate it if you could not make such remarks in the future’
Do these comments always work? No, but it’s the most polite and direct way that you can use, without opening a huge conversation.
Of course each situation and personality are different, so feel free to adjust your response accordingly and if you choose to not respond that is also okay too, but try to notice how that comment made you feel.
Comments about you and your choices:
We can more easily understand the relation between comments about weight and a possible binge eating episode. However, comments that revolve around your personality or your choices can be linked to such an episode in a more indirect way. How? These types of comments can lead to low self esteem, disappointment, sadness, anger, regret, mistrust, loneliness etc. If you have not learnt how to deal with those feelings, they are usually the ones that will cause a new episode. What should you do? Notice them! The same applies for those that received a comment about their weight. If you are used to hiding how you feel, this will be a challenge for you. Understand how you feel, recognise the feeling, accept it and deal with it. I know that it’s not as easy as it sounds, but the more you try to avoid your emotions the more likely it will be that they will manifest through food and overeating.
Family dynamics:
If a family gathering doesn’t bring good and fun memories then you belong here. The holidays are not merry for everyone and while that is sad, you have to know that you are not alone and that by working on yourself you can eventually create an environment around you that you will look forward to seeing and celebrating with them. In this case, if you choose to celebrate with your family, try to set your boundaries, notice how you feel, don’t try to force yourself to feel happy, if that is not the feeling you have at the moment, and communicate your feelings with the people that you trust and feel comfortable with.
If you have difficulties dealing with any of these you can always ask for help!
